THE THIRD FORCE
All characters portrayed in this news report are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. No animals were harmed in the production of this script, though it is rumoured that a certain CAT died laughing after reading it in an undersea tunnel.
KUALA TEMBERANG: The second meeting of the first term of the 14th Parliament will see the tabling of Budget 2019, the first national budget prepared by the Pakatan Hancing (PH) government after winning Malalaland’s 2018 general election.
The tabling of the budget by Cheat Minister Lim Gun Eng on the 2nd of Nov is probably the much awaited event as the public is eager to see a prudent arrangement by the federal government following its failure to fulfil its manifestomato.
Among the initiatives Lim is rumoured to be considering are as follows:
1. The introduction of the SPT (Swimming Pool Tax), the UTT (Undersea Tunnel Tax) and the LGT (Lim Gun Tax).
2. The renaming of LGBT to GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Tansgender) to avoid confusion between LGBT and the LGT (Lim Gun Tax).
3. The construction of a RM63 trillion underground tunnel through the earth’s core linking Lim’s office in Malalaland to the lost city of Atlantis.
4. The appointment of Syarikat Kepala Hotak Hang (SKHH) as the Special Purpose Vehicle (SPV) to oversee the project.
5. A RM305 billion allocation just to put together some pieces of paper bearing results of feasibility studies and design related works, with results due for submission by or before he 2nd of November, 2030.
6. A 50% tax reduction for all homes that come built with swimming pools.
7. A further 50% tax reduction for all homes that come built with swimming pools and statues of Lim.
8. Special licenses for factories that conduct open burning of harmful material in remote areas, provided that these areas have population densities of less than 500 heads per square kilometre.
9. Special medical discounts for those who helm from villages where open burning of harmful material is conducted by factories within a kilometre’s distance from their homes.
10. Special medical discounts for those whose homes come built with swimming pools and statues of Lim.
The second meeting of the 14th Parliament will also see the return of Dato’ Seri Putaq Alam to the Zoo after he won the My Dickson parliamentary by-election with a majority of 2,356,000 votes.