How dirty Hairy will end up doing Dr Mad Dir in…


All characters portrayed in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. No animals were harmed in the production of this script, though it is rumoured that a certain CAT died laughing after reading it in an undersea tunnel.

[Enter Dr Mad Dir Mohamed, the Prime Minister of Malalala land]

Mad Dir: Diam, do we have enough MPs on our side?

Diam: Of course we do. Hairy Lalaudin says we do.

Mad Dir: And what do you say about Nar Jib?

Diam: Well, you see, it’s clear that the chamber has agreed that the idea of criminalising him is really an excellent plan. But there have been doubt’s expressed.

Mad Dir: Oh, really? Who expressed them?

Diam: It was that fellow in RUMNO…what’s his name….

Mad Dir: Hairy?

Diam: Yes…yes…Hairy….

Mad Dir: Well, what did he say?

Diam: Hold on a minute…

[rolls out a piece of paper from his pocket and reads it aloud]

Diam: Ahem…”In view of the doubts being expressed by my fellow comrades, I propose that I recall that after careful consideration, the considered view of my comrades is that, while they considered that the idea met with broad approval in principle, that some of the principles were sufficiently fundamental in principle, and some of the considerations so complex and finely balanced in practice that in principle, it was proposed that…

Mad Dir: Stop!! Stop! Oh Gawd…stop!!! What the hell’s he drivelling on and on about?

Diam: I don’t know….It’s Oxfordian, I think…

Mad Dir: So what’s the gist?

Diam: Ah, yes…he’s written that too…

[reads aloud again]

Diam: “In summary, the sensible and prudent practice would be to submit the proposal for more detailed consideration, laying stress on the essential continuity of the new proposal with existing principles, the principal of the principal arguments which the proposal proposes and propounds for their approval. In principle.”

Mad Dir: (fuming) Before I kill myself… is that an ‘aye’ or ‘nay’???

Diam: I don’t know… It’s even easier to understand Lim Guun Eng than it is to understand this fellow…

Mad Dir: Get him here!

Diam: Who? Hairy?

Mad Dir: No. My father!!

Diam: But your father is….

Mad Dir: Yes yes… Hairy!!

[Enter Hairy]

Mad Dir: Hairy…are you with us or with Nar Jib?

Hairy: Of course I’m with you sir.

Mad Dir: Good…good… Have you got the MPs lined up?

Hairy: Good and ready whenever you are sir…

Mad Dir: Fantastic!! Now what do you think about the idea of criminalizing Nar Jib?

Hairy: Well, with all due respect sire…I mean, sir… there is a countervailing consideration of infinitely superior magnitude involving your personal complicity and corroborative malfeasance, with a consequence that the taint and stigma of your former associations and diversions could irredeemably and irretrievably invalidate your position and culminate in public revelations and recriminations of a profoundly embarrassing and ultimately indefensible character….

Mad Dir: Stop!!! Aduh…apa benda ini… stop…stop…yes or no?

Hairy: Yes or no what?

Mad Dir: (red faced) Let’s start all over again… Are you with us or aren’t you?

Hairy: Of course I’m with you!

Mad Dir: Good! Now, have you got the MPs lined up?

Hairy: Yes!!

Mad Dir: Now, are they with us on the idea of criminalizing Nar Jib?

Hairy: Well, some are, but you know, some must consider what others can’t fathom, while those who can fathom must see where others do not and cover all possibilities to tell you what people from outside are going to see you about it and…

[Mad Dir gets a heart attack and is rushed to hospital. Two days later, Diam pays him a visit]

Diam: Mad Dir, are you ok???

Mad Dir: (murmurs) Diam… help me….tell me the MPs are with us…

Diam: They are…I asked Hairy…they are…

Mad Dir: (barely smiles)…What did Hairy say…?

[Diam takes out a small book from his pocket and starts reading Mad Dir his last rites]

Paham-paham ajelah…