The Kunyit story: Elephant elephant fight, grass suffer

Picture: TTF


All characters portrayed in this report are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons – living or dead – or political entities is purely coincidental. No animals were harmed in the production of this script, though it is rumoured that a certain elephant died laughing after reading it in an undersea tunnel.

Below is a conversation that took place between Tun Mutakhir Mohamad (Tun M) and Mohamad Sabbuu Chik (Mat Sabu). Tun Diam Zainuddin was present during the meeting.

Enter Tun Mutakhir, Tun Diam and Mat Sabuu

Tun M: Sabuu, what do you think about Azmeen Ali?

Sabuu: Azmeen very very not good relationship with Keet Siang, sir.

Tun M: I wasn’t talking about Keet Siang. God, I don’t even care if that Chinaman is dead or alive. Even if he’s alive, we’re going to finish his son of.

Azmeen…the minister…what do you think of him?

Diam: I think what Sabuu is trying to say, is if Azmeen takes over, we’ll have problems as Keet Siang wants Al Jub’s wife to take over as Prime Minister.

That’s what you’re saying, isn’t it, Sabuu?

Sabuu: Yes, yes…if Azmeen PM, then Keet Siang no like. Then elephant elephant fight, the grass will suffer…


Tun M: I suppose you mean the grassroots?

Sabuu: No… no…grass…rumput. Nanti aku kencing macam ko kencing kat rakyat, subur la balik…

Tun M: (agitated) Making him Defence Minister was your idea, wasn’t it, Diam?

Diam: Yeah right. Go ahead, put the blame on me. Wasn’t it you who said we needed to get this clown away from Keet Siang and onto our side?

Tun M: (Looks at Sabuu) Okay, okay…Sabuu, here’s the deal…we need Azmeen as the next PM, but his sexcapade with Kunyit is risking our plans.

So I need your party, BANANA, to support us. I pay you RM1 billion.

Sabuu: No.. no…I want more…RM1 million.

Tun M: (Dazed): Say what?

Sabuu: RM1 billion no enuf…I want RM1 million.

Tun M: Out of curiosity, how much did Keet Siang pay you?

Sabuu: Apek tu very the kedekut…pay only RM5 million.

Tun M: Well, Einstein, you got yourself a deal. RM1 million it is!

Sabuu: Einstein dead many many long ago…

Tun M: (murmurs) Like your brain…

Sabuu: What?

Tun M: Nothing..nothing…now, with BANANA on my side, and with my own party, Parti Punca Bont*t Menangis (PPBM), all we need is 30 Parti Kelentong Rakyat (PKR) MPs to be on Azmeen’s side.

Then we’ll go ahead and drop Tummy Thomas before dropping all charges against Nujib and Zihad to get all their MPs on our side.

PAAS will probably go along with it, so we’ll have way more than 112 MPs with us to kick Keet Siang’s ass.

You like?

Sabuu: Where got 30 PKR MP want Azmeen? Now got seks skandal…semua pi belah Al Jub…

Tun M: Well, it’s simple. We’ll just roll out Al Jub’s sex tape soon…

Sabuu: (all smiles) Terbaik tuan! Ko memang Mahazalim…

Tun M: Well…we have your BANANA to thank for that…

Sabuu: Eh…pisang mana satu? Yang satu tu dah punya…

Tun M: Your party lah!

Sabuu: Oooh….ok, ok. Terbaik tuan!

Tun Diam just shakes his head in disbelief at what just happened.

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